My Insecurities

I guess you would call this my first actual post since this is where I begin to unravel. And what better way to start off and unravel than talk about the things that I hate/hated about myself?

All of my insecurities date back to, well, I’ve had insecurities ever since I can remember.

Elementary School

In elementary school, I was one of the tallest people in my class and I was known as the “giant” and because of this I always wished to be as short as my peers, but now I want to grow to loom over a lot of people since I am now “average height”.

I hated my nose because it doesn’t have a bridge and it was pretty big. I believed a way to make it smaller was to pinch it a lot, I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is what I did for many years and now I actually do believe it has gotten smaller.

I used to hate how big my lips were and people used to call me Donald Duck, but now I just sit and laugh at how the people that used to laugh at me literally have no lips. My mom tells me they will get smaller, but I love them so much now, I’m really worried they might shrink to be as small as everyone else.

One of my biggest insecurities was my hair, it was curly-wavy and just a whole mess of frizz. I just wanted my hair to be straight like everyone else. I used to like my hair until people started calling me Ursula and Medusa, which is not the best things you can be compared to.

Out of all my insecurities in elementary school, the worst one was my legs. I hated how hairy they were, I always thought, “You shouldn’t have hairy legs, you’re a girl and once everyone sees them, you will be bullied for the rest of your life,” which was sort of true because in my old school there was this one guy that tried making me pay him so he wouldn’t tell anyone about my hairy legs. Thankfully, I moved and hopefully, he forgot about it. Now, I really don’t care about them because it’s my body and I don’t have to worry about them and what other people think about it.

When I moved to a new school in fourth grade, nothing really phased me to become an insecurity because I had a fresh new slate to make new friends and forget about everything from my past. In sixth grade, I began to worry about my weight and I thought I was fat, even though people always called me skinny. I then began to diet a lot and later on became bulimic, which I will talk about in another post.

Middle School

I am currently in eighth grade and the only thing I’m concerned about all the time is my weight. Yes, I am still bulimic and I have tried to move on from that, but I feel as if weight is something that will stick with me for a very long time.

What I have learned

In my life of being self-conscious most of the time, I learned that the only person that is concerned about my insecurities is me. No one is paying attention to me, they all care about themselves. As I grow, I have learned to love the things about myself that I never thought I would. This is kind of cheesy, but life is too short to worry about what you look like, you have to learn to love yourself and the things that you hate about yourself if you ever want to progress in life. All of you are beautiful in every way, no matter what others say or what you believe.

 

 

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